Recently, I made a presentation to parents in our youth
ministry, entitled, “Why Kids Abandon the Church.” Two years earlier, when I
made a similar presentation, called “Grace-Driven to Postmodern Teens,” the
class drew five people. Not surprisingly,
this terrifying title attracted a packed room of sixty parents.
In the presentation, I explained our strategy, which has
been eight years in the making, to maximize the chances that students will
stick with Jesus and the church after high school. Terms, such as “theological
depth,” “grace-driven,” “devotional training,” and “family discipleship” flew
around the room. I routinely dropped names like Kenda Creasy Dean and Christian
Jones.
While I qualified the talk with the premise that we have so
little control over our children’s spiritual future- only God yields fruit- the
presentation did have a “business plan” feel to it. While I stand by our
strategy and commend other youth ministries to focus intentionally on fostering
life-long disciples of Christ, a conversation afterwards with a young adult in
the audience exposed my blind spot.
He said simply, “The thing you are missing is that after
they leave home kids have to claim their faith on their own; parents cannot
force that to happen.” This young man grew up in a nurturing Christian home and
solid church. To my knowledge, he did not consistently seek out church or
campus ministry in college. Here as a young adult he is thoughtfully
considering the depth in which he may or may not follow Christ. God has brought
a woman into his life, and this relationship has stimulated a fresh
consideration of faith. His honesty helped me contemplate
discipleship of young people with a fresher balance and with the following
concepts in mind.
Control
As much as say that God’s total sovereignty and goodness is
the only hope for our children, in my flesh I believe that I have control. I
think if I deliver the right messages, relate in the best manner, and
orchestrate certain experiences, I can effectuate real faith in my students and
in my own children. The lurking fear I have, that kids for whom I care so
deeply will reject Christ and the church, only exacerbates my desire to cling
to my devices.
When I survey the turning points that led to my decision to
walk with Christ in college and young adulthood, all of them came places that
no person, except God, could control. At the National Young Leaders Conference
during my sophomore year of high school, an agnostic from Maine asked me why I
was a Christian. I had no answer other than subjective experiences and the
beliefs of my parents. This encounter caused me to question the veracity of
Christianity. Days later, the Jehovah’s Witnesses (of all people) dropped by
our house and gave us an apologetics tract. I only read the section on proofs
of the resurrection and fulfillment of prophecy. This tract stimulated a season
of further study, which confirmed for me that, in fact, Jesus Christ is the
Risen Lord.
My parents and church had built solid foundations, but only
in the moments ordained by the Holy Spirit in the mundane circumstances of life
did I convert from a cultural Christian to a committed follower of Jesus. It
all occurred apart from the control or strategy of any person but God.
Patience
Like most Christian parents and youth pastors, I have a
strong desire to see my kids walk with Jesus in college. Ideally, in their
first week in college they will attend a Cru or Navigators or an RUF meeting.
On their first Sunday, they will start searching for a church that teaches
exegetically and preaches the Gospel of grace. Their first date will be with a
solid Christian classmate. At their first party, they will say no to the
keg-stand and will return home that night to talk about the balance of law and
grace, as they sit around their dorm room with their new found Christian
friends. Oh, the fantasies of Christian parents.
But here is reality. God does not adhere to our dreams. God
has timelines that conform to his desire to be exalted in the maximum manner in
the optimal season. Our children and students may find God after they receive
their third DUI or while working on their PhD dissertation in evolutionary
biology or at the Democratic National Convention. We must depend on the grace
of God for the patience and faith to align with His timing.
Prayer
An article, like this, which decries our impotence in ultimately determining the
spiritual welfare of our children, often leads to fatalistic despair. This absolutely should not be the case.
If anything, seeing that only God can produce fruit should drive us to the foot
of the Cross and to a life of fervent prayer.
For several years, I have journeyed with a family in the
discipleship of their children. These parents model family discipleship as they
have taught their kids the Word, prayed with them, taken them to church, etc.
Their children have wandered spiritually through high school, college and young
adulthood. I have watched the mother move from panic to calm largely due to a
fervent prayer life. In one of their children it appears that God- in a
mystical yet palpable way- is using the random circumstances of his life to
draw the kid to Himself. I feel as if I am watching the fruit of faithful
prayer at work before my eyes. The Lord undoubtedly pours down grace on our
children and students in response to our prayers.
Going Forward
I plan to continue to pursue ministry, where we preach grace
and cultivate a deep, biblical belief system in students. We will help students
transition to college and will equip them for a devotional life. And, it never
hurts to be reminded in the midst of our best intentions that all hope centers
on the generosity and sovereignty of God.
Cameron Cole serves
the Director of Youth Ministries at the Cathedral Church of the Advent in
Birmingham, AL. He is the chairman of Rooted: Advancing Grace-Driven Youth Ministry,
which holds its next conference, Hope in a Time of Suffering, in Atlanta
October 10-12, 2013.
