Fear, Patience, and Prayer in Discipling Kids

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Recently, I made a presentation to parents in our youth ministry, entitled, “Why Kids Abandon the Church.” Two years earlier, when I made a similar presentation, called “Grace-Driven to Postmodern Teens,” the class drew five people. Not surprisingly, this terrifying title attracted a packed room of sixty parents.

In the presentation, I explained our strategy, which has been eight years in the making, to maximize the chances that students will stick with Jesus and the church after high school. Terms, such as “theological depth,” “grace-driven,” “devotional training,” and “family discipleship” flew around the room. I routinely dropped names like Kenda Creasy Dean and Christian Jones.

While I qualified the talk with the premise that we have so little control over our children’s spiritual future- only God yields fruit- the presentation did have a “business plan” feel to it. While I stand by our strategy and commend other youth ministries to focus intentionally on fostering life-long disciples of Christ, a conversation afterwards with a young adult in the audience exposed my blind spot.

He said simply, “The thing you are missing is that after they leave home kids have to claim their faith on their own; parents cannot force that to happen.” This young man grew up in a nurturing Christian home and solid church. To my knowledge, he did not consistently seek out church or campus ministry in college. Here as a young adult he is thoughtfully considering the depth in which he may or may not follow Christ. God has brought a woman into his life, and this relationship has stimulated a fresh consideration of faith. His honesty helped me contemplate discipleship of young people with a fresher balance and with the following concepts in mind.

Control

As much as say that God’s total sovereignty and goodness is the only hope for our children, in my flesh I believe that I have control. I think if I deliver the right messages, relate in the best manner, and orchestrate certain experiences, I can effectuate real faith in my students and in my own children. The lurking fear I have, that kids for whom I care so deeply will reject Christ and the church, only exacerbates my desire to cling to my devices.

When I survey the turning points that led to my decision to walk with Christ in college and young adulthood, all of them came places that no person, except God, could control. At the National Young Leaders Conference during my sophomore year of high school, an agnostic from Maine asked me why I was a Christian. I had no answer other than subjective experiences and the beliefs of my parents. This encounter caused me to question the veracity of Christianity. Days later, the Jehovah’s Witnesses (of all people) dropped by our house and gave us an apologetics tract. I only read the section on proofs of the resurrection and fulfillment of prophecy. This tract stimulated a season of further study, which confirmed for me that, in fact, Jesus Christ is the Risen Lord.

My parents and church had built solid foundations, but only in the moments ordained by the Holy Spirit in the mundane circumstances of life did I convert from a cultural Christian to a committed follower of Jesus. It all occurred apart from the control or strategy of any person but God.

Patience

Like most Christian parents and youth pastors, I have a strong desire to see my kids walk with Jesus in college. Ideally, in their first week in college they will attend a Cru or Navigators or an RUF meeting. On their first Sunday, they will start searching for a church that teaches exegetically and preaches the Gospel of grace. Their first date will be with a solid Christian classmate. At their first party, they will say no to the keg-stand and will return home that night to talk about the balance of law and grace, as they sit around their dorm room with their new found Christian friends. Oh, the fantasies of Christian parents.

But here is reality. God does not adhere to our dreams. God has timelines that conform to his desire to be exalted in the maximum manner in the optimal season. Our children and students may find God after they receive their third DUI or while working on their PhD dissertation in evolutionary biology or at the Democratic National Convention. We must depend on the grace of God for the patience and faith to align with His timing.

Prayer

An article, like this, which decries our impotence in ultimately determining the spiritual welfare of our children, often leads to fatalistic despair.  This absolutely should not be the case. If anything, seeing that only God can produce fruit should drive us to the foot of the Cross and to a life of fervent prayer.

For several years, I have journeyed with a family in the discipleship of their children. These parents model family discipleship as they have taught their kids the Word, prayed with them, taken them to church, etc. Their children have wandered spiritually through high school, college and young adulthood. I have watched the mother move from panic to calm largely due to a fervent prayer life. In one of their children it appears that God- in a mystical yet palpable way- is using the random circumstances of his life to draw the kid to Himself. I feel as if I am watching the fruit of faithful prayer at work before my eyes. The Lord undoubtedly pours down grace on our children and students in response to our prayers.

Going Forward

I plan to continue to pursue ministry, where we preach grace and cultivate a deep, biblical belief system in students. We will help students transition to college and will equip them for a devotional life. And, it never hurts to be reminded in the midst of our best intentions that all hope centers on the generosity and sovereignty of God.  

Cameron Cole serves the Director of Youth Ministries at the Cathedral Church of the Advent in Birmingham, AL. He is the chairman of Rooted: Advancing Grace-Driven Youth Ministry, which holds its next conference, Hope in a Time of Suffering, in Atlanta October 10-12, 2013.

Why Kids Abandon the Church (audio)

In the following audio recording, Cameron Cole offers parents explanations of why students abandon the church and how grace-driven ministry seeks to foster life-long disciples of Jesus.

Link: Why Kids Abandon the Church

Cameron Cole is the chairman of Rooted: Advancing Grace-Driven Ministry and serves as the director of youth ministries at the Cathedral Church of the Advent in Birmingham, AL.

What Are Youth Ministries For: Pt.3-The Overhaul of Belief System

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Several years ago I walked around a shopping mall with a student who was weighing the cost of whether he would walk with Christ as a disciple or go the way go the world. He had a new, non-Christian girlfriend and the question of whether or not they would sleep together loomed.

Before this experience, I would have asserted that the basic function of youth ministry is discipleship-making. That is the Great Commission and primary function of the Church, right? Nobody would argue with such a standpoint.  However, this conversation with the teenager uncovered for me that there is a deeper layer beneath discipleship-making that serves as the foundational purpose of youth ministry. I think youth ministries function to reform and overhaul the false belief system, which all students (and people) inherit as a product of original sin.

A distorted worldview constitutes the biggest obstacle in the formation of disciples. This young man called into question the validity of the scriptural position on sexual abstinence. He proceeded to offer rationale for why premarital sex is not immoral or harmful, based on his thinking. In the midst of this was an absence of the idea that God had his best interest in mind while constructing His Law.

This rebuilding project centers on three primary areas: revelation, self, and God. Just like Adam and Eve, kids believe that authority for truth lies within the subjective, the self. They do not believe that they can trust God’s Word in the same way that Adam and Eve disregarded the warnings God issued about the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Moving them in a direction of understanding that truth comes through what God has revealed in His Word serves as a starting point in the rebuilding effort.

In regard to their view of self, teens naturally believe that they can handle life apart from dependent relationship with God, or that they can be “like God.” God is there for help when they need Him but generally they can handle life on their own. Helping kids understand the depth of the problem and nature of their sin, as beings desiring to live apart from God, brings them into an accurate understanding of self.

Finally and most significantly, they believe that God is not good, cannot be trusted, and is against them. The need for repeatedly showing God’s interest in their life, His goodness, His mercy, His kindness, His gentleness, and His generosity is the backbone of the reformation of the marred belief system.

Discipleship-making goes nowhere without a complete revolution in the belief system of an individual. We should aim and pray for movement from these false beliefs to a place where the heart embraces the reality that we are needy sinners living in a world ruled by a gracious and good God who longs to live in relationship with people. The mission of breaking down the false belief system and building a new foundation, rooted in God’s Truth, is the work of a youth minister. 

Cameron Cole is the chairman of Rooted: A Theology Conference for Student Ministry and the Director of Student Ministries at the Cathedral Church of the Advent in Birmingham, AL. He is a candidate for a Masters in Religion from Reformed Theological Seminary. 

What Are Youth Ministries For? - Pt.2 - Biblical Foundations of Youth Ministry

I remember one particularly galling Wednesday night several years ago. The previous days had brought a familiar mix of high-effort, low-response, excitement, frustration, and discouragement, all in one package. And when I walked away from a house that night I had just one simple question: Why? Let's face it: There are times in youth ministry when you walk away from a small group study or a conversation with a family or a late-night program, and the thought occurs to you ... "Why I am doing this? Is there any good or compelling reason that I continue to pour heart and hands, effort and energy into this work of youth ministry … or am I just keeping the car running?"

 

A few months ago I was at a conference where I got to hear Simon Sinek give a short talk on "The Power of Why." His thesis: Why drives the how, how results in what. But this is the reverse of our normal practice where we focus on what, argue over how, and rarely figure out any justification for the whole enterprise.

So is there a clear "why" for youth ministry? Why this work with students, this endeavor within (or without) our churches to seek out and minister to teenagers? What do we find in Scripture that convinces us that this work matters and God calls us to it? 

The more I reflect on these 15 years in youth ministry, the more convinced I am that youth ministry is really just one of the manifold ministries of Christ and His church. It is highly-contextualized ministry to adolescents that can take a myriad of local forms that all look to Scripture for both guidance and goal. I make no claim to have THE biblical theology for youth ministry, but I can attempt a few words of call, challenge, and comfort that have lead me to a theology for it for our day in the church. This is my why. This is what I believe.

1. Youth ministry is mission work. The reality is that we have been called by a missionary God: A Father who sent His Son (for us!) and His Spirit (in us!) that we might be adopted into His family, united to Him as sons and daughters, renewed in His image and participating in His kingdom. I'm growing to love 1 Peter 2 more and more: "you are a chosen people, a royal priestshood" ... to what end? "So that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light."  We in youth ministry get to stand at the foggy adolescent intersection of childhood and adulthood, family and friend, church and wider society. We stand and say it, sing it out: The praise of God to those who are adrift in the fog and lost in the dark.    

2. Youth ministry is corporate work. It is the church's work. The Church is the body of Christ, and where He is working, there the Church is to be found.  This family of God, this fellowship of Jesus, is sent (via the Son's command! Matt 28:18ff, John 20:21-22) on the mission of making disciples to Jesus. Though we love the church and are passionately committed to it, we point to Christ, not to it (or ourselves) - we want to see students called to a robust, sticky faith in Jesus Christ that is poured out in love for God and for people. 

3. Youth ministry is family work. God desires for these broken human families to play their part in telling his story of redemption. God has designed the family such that parents have the primary spiritual responsibility of telling the story of God's grace in creation, redemption, and restoration and then leading kids to know God, to love him heart, soul, mind, and strength with an everyday faith (Deut. 6). 

4. Youth ministry is student work. The church faces a world in which many adolescents are both far from God and in the dark - and yet none less than Jesus Himself is seeking them through the work of His Spirit.  Where possible, the church must partner with the family for the sake of declaring the gospel to the next generation (Ps. 71:16-18). But just as the church doesn't forsake the parents but must equip them to (re)discover their God-given role in the discipleship of their kids, it must not also forsake the kids and students who do yet know Christ. That means the work of training and equipping adults and students from the church to go out and share in the mission: Seek students, stand with them, speak out for them, love them, and bear witness among them to Christ at work in their midst. 

5. Youth ministry is welcoming work. The church must welcome kids/students into its communal life of worship and witness and BE the extended family of God to those who have been abandoned. If Paul can talk about the church as the place of new humanity in Christ where Jew and Gentile stand before Christ together, it damn well better be the place for adults and kids together, too.  As the church welcomes kids, it welcomes the Lord Himself (Mk. 9:33-37). Our welcome here is our worship (Rom. 15:7-9). Part of making a home for them means taking pains to teach them and make the long-term commitment to walk beside them into maturity as a whole human being renewed in Christ and ready to take up their vocation in this world. 

6. Youth ministry is desperate work. To persist in this ministry you must heed the call of God to know him for his sake, to follow him in full knowledge of the cost, and to boast only in his cross,. You must loosen your control, let go of outcomes, and lift your eyes to the risen Christ who speaks to your timid heart: "Take courage! It is I: do not be afraid… and I am with you. Always." Fix your eyes on Him, make your prayer that of Paul in Phil. 3:9-14, and devote yourself to the work of the Lord because none of it goes to waste (1 Cor. 15:58).

Andy Cornett is the Director of Student Ministries at Signal Mountain Presbyterian in Chattanooga, TN. Andy earned a Masters in Divinity from Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, CA and has over ten years of experience in youth ministry.

What Are Youth Ministries For? - Pt.1

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Hitting a moving target requires an ever-changing aim.  This is as true in youth ministry as anywhere else.  The aim of youth ministries historically has shifted as the needs in society have changed.  It’s hard for us in the 21^st century to imagine a world without adolescence, a world that would not understand the concept of a full time youth pastor.  We only need to turn the clock back a few centuries to find our role in the church completely irrelevant.  Why is that?  In the early days of youth ministry, specifically the 19th century, much of the efforts toward youth were devoted to children.  Most teenagers were in the work force at that point.  Later in the century the public high school emerged and by the early 1900’s the concept of adolescence was first described by psychologist G. Stanley Hall.  So, it’s not surprising that the aim of youth ministries historically has changed.

In a blog post for The Gospel Coalition, I looked at the history of youth ministry from the middle of the 20^th century forward to see significant developments.  In this post we will look at just a few purposes or aims of youth ministries in the past.  For a more comprehensive look at the history of youth ministry, I would suggest Mark Senter’s book “When God Shows Up: A History of Protestant Youth Ministry in America.”  Meanwhile, let’s look at just five purposes that youth ministries have served or are serving at some point in history.  I am sure you can think of more.

1.     To keep kids off the streets.  Several ministries to young people emerged in history for the specific purpose of keeping kids off the streets.  The YMCA is an example of an organization that formed because rural young people were moving into the cities to find work and needed support in their new life in the city.  A gospel opportunity was seen and the YMCA became a place to gather young men and provide Bible studies, fellowship, and prayer meetings.  Many American youth ministers today would not describe this as their primary purpose for youth ministry. The typical suburban teen has more activities in their life than they have time for. Yet as I spoke with an Egyptian pastor recently I heard of a real need for the church to provide a safe haven from life on the streets.  He described to me how seven days a week loads of teens show up at his church and they feed them, help with homework, provide Bible studies, prayer, activities, etc.  What might not be viewed as a currently relevant purpose in one context may be vital in another.

2.     To keep a vibrant faith in the lives of young people. In the late 1800’s, Christian Endeavor emerged as an international movement that sought to help young people grow in their walk with Christ. Several mainline denominations soon formed their own organizations for similar purpose.  The denominational versions could take on a more catechetical approach as they brought to the table their own particular theological and ecclesiological emphasis.

3.     To provide Christian fellowship for teens.  Following the formation of denominational organizations that promoted Christian faith, local churches began fellowship groups for young people. These in some cases shifted the focus from discipleship to training in churchmanship. In many denominations over time these fellowship groups became a holding place for youth to be involved until they would be old enough to participate in the full life of the church.

4.     To reach unchurched young people with the gospel.  The para-church movements of Youth For Christ and Young Life took a decidedly more evangelistic approach.  The emergence of a distinct youth culture created a context to reach teens that were not being ministered to in the church.  Youth For Christ began with evangelistic rallies (Billy Graham being one of the main evangelists) and Young Life took a local club approach where groups met in students’ homes.

5.     To make disciples of young people.  In some ways reacting to the para-church movements, a number of organizations emerged that either sought to disciple teens or created resources for the church to make young disciples.  In some contexts this has meant resourcing or partnering with parents.  Most American youth pastors would likely describe their purpose in youth ministry as primarily making disciples.

Looking at the aims of youth ministry over history helps us see how context shapes the needs and opportunities for ministry to students.  My friends who do urban youth ministry speak of the need to get students off the streets while those doing suburban ministry complain that their students are far too busy for youth group meetings. Most of us however would deplore the idea of simply providing fellowship for youth because we have seen the need for making disciples and evangelizing the unchurched. Some would argue that there was a time in recent history when it appeared as if youth ministries existed merely to attract large crowds and make the church leadership feel good about the future of the church.  Fortunately things are changing in the youth ministry landscape both here and further afield.

Dave Wright is the Coordinator for Youth Ministries in the Episcopal Diocese of South Carolina and blogs at http://fusionmusing.blogspot.com

Our Response Matters: Being Christian in light of the Election

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The election has come and gone. Now what? It seems that all sorts of pastors, parents, and professionals are claiming that the sky is falling with blog titles like, “The End of America,” “The Tragedy of the 2012 Election,” and other apocalyptic-themed facebook statuses, tweets, and protests. Why? Did the “right guy” not get the vote? What were you expecting? The bottom line is: Barack Obama is President. And according to Romans 13:1-2, “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.” So now, not only is He president, God “instituted” him. Now what?

Four More Years

 

Romans 13:1-8: Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for [Barack Obama] is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for [Barack Obama] does not bear the sword in vain. For [Barack Obama] is the servant of God, an avenger who carried out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. For because of this you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. Pay all to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed. Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.

First things first, as Christians we must be done with the whining and complaining. Adults in general, but especially parents and pastors. The reason is because future generation is looking to you to learn how to respond. A standing principle of being an adult, parenting, or doing ministry is that the kids we are around, when they don’t know what to do, they’ll do what they’ve seen us do. So I ask you as I’ve had to ask myself: How are you responding? What kind of attitude have you had about the election? What kind of things did you say on election night? What kind of things have you said about Obama being president? The truth of the matter is that its not about the election. For most kids, they have no idea what is going on, what’s at stake, and are completely unaware of the policies and/or consequences of what happened last Tuesday. What this is about is authority. They are learning how to view, respond, interpret, think, and believe about authority. So slandering the president only teaches them to badmouth authority. Disrespecting the president only teaches them to disrespect authority. Complaining about the president only teaches them to complain about authority. The most ironic part of it all is that you, pastor or parent, are their authority. You are modeling to them how to respond to you. Therefore poor actions are only cutting the knees out from under future leaders and ourselves. Usually we hear adults talking about teenagers as “having no respect for authority these days! They are just so disrespectful!” We must ask ourselves: Where did think they get it from? What kind of model are you providing? Is it one of submission, honor, respect, and love? Or slander, disrespect, discontentment, hate, rebellion and hopelessness? How about to your spouse and family? To your congregation? To your friends and neighbors? Bottom line, do you exhibit the Christian virtue of faith in that you trust that God is sovereign and has put Barack Obama in authority over you and this nation?

The beauty of the Gospel is that it is Gospel of Grace and Mercy of a God who is Sovereign and Omnibenevolent. And therefore despite the areas of which our country is incompetent or inadequate, God is not, and He alone is our Hope. Glory to the Trinity alone! For it is only through the Grace of recreation by the Holy Spirit through the incarnation, life, death, burial, resurrection, ascension and second coming of the Son as predestined by the Father. Therefore may no man boast, for as it is an act of Grace and Mercy, we must respond in Grace and Mercy. For who are we to be selective with our Grace and Mercy? Our leaders are just as much men as we are and we are just as much capable of evil as they. May the Grace of God abound in our lives in order that we might be agents of Grace in the name of Christ our Lord, Savior, and King.