Fear, Patience, and Prayer in Discipling Kids

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Recently, I made a presentation to parents in our youth ministry, entitled, “Why Kids Abandon the Church.” Two years earlier, when I made a similar presentation, called “Grace-Driven to Postmodern Teens,” the class drew five people. Not surprisingly, this terrifying title attracted a packed room of sixty parents.

In the presentation, I explained our strategy, which has been eight years in the making, to maximize the chances that students will stick with Jesus and the church after high school. Terms, such as “theological depth,” “grace-driven,” “devotional training,” and “family discipleship” flew around the room. I routinely dropped names like Kenda Creasy Dean and Christian Jones.

While I qualified the talk with the premise that we have so little control over our children’s spiritual future- only God yields fruit- the presentation did have a “business plan” feel to it. While I stand by our strategy and commend other youth ministries to focus intentionally on fostering life-long disciples of Christ, a conversation afterwards with a young adult in the audience exposed my blind spot.

He said simply, “The thing you are missing is that after they leave home kids have to claim their faith on their own; parents cannot force that to happen.” This young man grew up in a nurturing Christian home and solid church. To my knowledge, he did not consistently seek out church or campus ministry in college. Here as a young adult he is thoughtfully considering the depth in which he may or may not follow Christ. God has brought a woman into his life, and this relationship has stimulated a fresh consideration of faith. His honesty helped me contemplate discipleship of young people with a fresher balance and with the following concepts in mind.

Control

As much as say that God’s total sovereignty and goodness is the only hope for our children, in my flesh I believe that I have control. I think if I deliver the right messages, relate in the best manner, and orchestrate certain experiences, I can effectuate real faith in my students and in my own children. The lurking fear I have, that kids for whom I care so deeply will reject Christ and the church, only exacerbates my desire to cling to my devices.

When I survey the turning points that led to my decision to walk with Christ in college and young adulthood, all of them came places that no person, except God, could control. At the National Young Leaders Conference during my sophomore year of high school, an agnostic from Maine asked me why I was a Christian. I had no answer other than subjective experiences and the beliefs of my parents. This encounter caused me to question the veracity of Christianity. Days later, the Jehovah’s Witnesses (of all people) dropped by our house and gave us an apologetics tract. I only read the section on proofs of the resurrection and fulfillment of prophecy. This tract stimulated a season of further study, which confirmed for me that, in fact, Jesus Christ is the Risen Lord.

My parents and church had built solid foundations, but only in the moments ordained by the Holy Spirit in the mundane circumstances of life did I convert from a cultural Christian to a committed follower of Jesus. It all occurred apart from the control or strategy of any person but God.

Patience

Like most Christian parents and youth pastors, I have a strong desire to see my kids walk with Jesus in college. Ideally, in their first week in college they will attend a Cru or Navigators or an RUF meeting. On their first Sunday, they will start searching for a church that teaches exegetically and preaches the Gospel of grace. Their first date will be with a solid Christian classmate. At their first party, they will say no to the keg-stand and will return home that night to talk about the balance of law and grace, as they sit around their dorm room with their new found Christian friends. Oh, the fantasies of Christian parents.

But here is reality. God does not adhere to our dreams. God has timelines that conform to his desire to be exalted in the maximum manner in the optimal season. Our children and students may find God after they receive their third DUI or while working on their PhD dissertation in evolutionary biology or at the Democratic National Convention. We must depend on the grace of God for the patience and faith to align with His timing.

Prayer

An article, like this, which decries our impotence in ultimately determining the spiritual welfare of our children, often leads to fatalistic despair.  This absolutely should not be the case. If anything, seeing that only God can produce fruit should drive us to the foot of the Cross and to a life of fervent prayer.

For several years, I have journeyed with a family in the discipleship of their children. These parents model family discipleship as they have taught their kids the Word, prayed with them, taken them to church, etc. Their children have wandered spiritually through high school, college and young adulthood. I have watched the mother move from panic to calm largely due to a fervent prayer life. In one of their children it appears that God- in a mystical yet palpable way- is using the random circumstances of his life to draw the kid to Himself. I feel as if I am watching the fruit of faithful prayer at work before my eyes. The Lord undoubtedly pours down grace on our children and students in response to our prayers.

Going Forward

I plan to continue to pursue ministry, where we preach grace and cultivate a deep, biblical belief system in students. We will help students transition to college and will equip them for a devotional life. And, it never hurts to be reminded in the midst of our best intentions that all hope centers on the generosity and sovereignty of God.  

Cameron Cole serves the Director of Youth Ministries at the Cathedral Church of the Advent in Birmingham, AL. He is the chairman of Rooted: Advancing Grace-Driven Youth Ministry, which holds its next conference, Hope in a Time of Suffering, in Atlanta October 10-12, 2013.

Remembering What's Important: Part 3- The Patience of God

Admittedly, I’m not a very patient person.  As a young adult, I thought I had my irritability, anxiety, and restlessness under control...and then I got married and saw the real me.

But where my recognition of sin increased, God’s grace also increased.  And so after five years of marriage, I thought I had my impatience under control once again...but then we had our first child.  A couple years later, God called me to full-time ministry with youth.

Why can’t people just adjust to my schedule?  Why do they move so slowly? Why do I need to explain this to them again?  Why won’t that kid just realize he’s hurting himself and his family and change!?!

Ugh.  I am such a hypocrite in need of grace.

And yet through all this wrestling with my own peevishness, God has been letting me see something about his character that I often overlook.  God is incredibly patient--especially towards sinners like me.

One of scripture’s recurring refrains is that “The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love” (Psalm 103:8), and though we regularly talk about God’s mercy, grace, and love...we often skip over God’s being slow to anger--his patience.  Why?

In my own life, I’ve come to see that I tend to downplay God’s patience when I fail to take seriously the magnitude of my sin and what my sin deserves.  If I’m “basically good”, what’s there for God to be angry about?  Why does he need patience?

I think that many of our youth feel similarly much of the time.  Thus, when we see God’s anger in Scripture towards sin, we can sometimes think that God’s being rather mean, missing his patience altogether.

We see God kicking Adam and Eve out of Eden and think him rude, rather than marvel at the merciful patience of God for not obliterating Adam and Eve in the moment of their sinful rebellion. 

When God brings destruction upon this or that people group in the Old Testament, we think God’s being harsh and petty rather than marvel at the fact that God has patiently provided air, food, water, and so forth for a people that have been stubbornly bent upon rejecting him.

How quickly we forget the seriousness of our sin and the wrath it deserves!  ...That is, until we personally experience the true ugliness of sin. When someone deeply hurts us or goes on a shooting spree in a theater, all the sudden we want a wrathful God.  How can God put up with such a person, we ask, why doesn’t he just do away with them once and for all?

We scoff at God because of his patience with sinners.  Sometimes we scoff at him for being too harsh, other times it’s for being too soft.

But thankfully, God is patient with us in our scoffing, too.

In fact, God actually tells us through the apostle Peter “that scoffers will come in the last days with scoffing” (2 Peter 3:3).  Peter continues in his second letter,

They will say, “Where is the promise of his coming? For ever since the fathers fell asleep, all things are continuing as they were from the beginning of creation.” For they deliberately overlook this fact, that the heavens existed long ago, and the earth was formed out of water and through water by the word of God, and that by means of these the world that then existed was deluged with water and perished. But by the same word the heavens and earth that now exist are stored up for fire, being kept until the day of judgment and destruction of the ungodly.

But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.  (2 Peter 3:4-9)

The ultimate final judgment sin deserves is coming.  One day God finally will do away with all evil and suffering.  But God doesn’t value time the same way we do, and his love is patient enough to wait for the repentance of his people.

Just think of that kid for which your heart aches to know the redeeming and saving love of Jesus.  God is willing to endure their sin, our sin, and the present evil in this world to see s, inners like that kid reach repentance.

And if God is patient enough to endure the messiness of sinners like the youth we work with, can’t we trust in him to give us patience to walk with them amidst the mess, trusting that God will redeem and use for good even the struggles we are asked to endure (cf. Romans 8:28)?

But we should not be so careless as to think that God’s patience will last forever.  Eventually, Jesus will return to make all things right--which includes the judgment of all who fail to take refuge in his patient love.  The apostle Peter goes on to write, “But the day of the Lord will come like a thief, and then the heavens will pass away with a roar, and the heavenly bodies will be burned up and dissolved, and and the earth and the works that are done on it will be exposed” (2 Peter 3:10).

There is an urgency to what we are called to do as ministers to youth.  The patience of God directs us to trust in God’s timing to working repentance and sanctification in our youth’s lives, but it doesn’t give us an excuse for timidity in calling these kids to repentance and faith in Jesus as Lord.

And when we fail in patience and boldness--as we all do--we too can repent and along with Peter “count the patience of our Lord as salvation” (2 Peter 3:15). God’s patient love in Christ by his Spirit surrounds us, upholds us, and will ultimately sanctify us completely when Jesus returns.

As Paul wrote to the Philippians, “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” (Philippians 1:6)  Jesus’s patient work in our life is our hope for salvation--for us and for our youth.  May we grow in the fruit of God’s patience.


Mark Howard is the Youth Director and Assistant to Pastor at Trinity Presbyterian Church in Covington, GA. Mark has a Masters in Theology from Wheaton College Graduate School. 

Comforting Words for New Youth Ministers - Part 5: Where Your Credibility Comes From

Dear First Year Youth Minister,

I know that one of the biggest questions and insecurities you face in your first year regards questions of credibility. You are probably in your early twenties, but to some, you look like you’re sixteen. You have a bachelor’s degree (and maybe even a graduate degree), but people talk to you like a high school student. You work sixty to seventy hours per week, but people still ask you if you’re paid for your job. (You resist the temptation to say, “By third world standards, yes.”) You take your position seriously as you plan, study, relate, manage, encourage, budget, teach, counsel, and basically fulfill the management functions of the director of a non-profit organization, and yet people ask you what you are going to do when you grow up, as if you play kickball eight hours per day. In essence, you are an adult with a very serious job, but often people condescendingly patronize you as if you are one of the kids you lead. They talk about your calling as if you do little more than entertain and babysit.

 Meanwhile, you face the reality that you have little experience. You probably have not attended seminary and need to deepen in your biblical and theological knowledge. You see a great deal of education in adolescent psychology and pastoral counseling. You may be finding your way in the “real world” for the first time as a young adult. 

 Be encouraged: You have credibility. What you do is important; it is serious business. You have authority in your space. But from where does this authority and credibility come?

1.) God chose you for the job.

You approached accepting your position prayerfully. You discerned God’s will for your next career step. While the church offered you a position, God ultimately called you to the position and you followed. He did not make a mistake. He has plans and intentions for your ministry. A great quote that I like to lean on is that “God equips the called; he doesn’t necessarily call the equipped.” 

2.) God gave you gifts.

The Lord gave you gifts for such a position, or else you likely would not have received the job. The leaders that offered you the position saw an ability in you to relate to students, a maturity in your faith, and a level of responsibility such that they would not trust you to take other people’s precious children on trips. While you do need to develop those gifts, understand that God graciously gave them to you.

3.) God gave you the Holy Spirit.

Whether you have been in ministry for eight days or eighteen years, you ultimately sink or swim based on your dependence on the Holy Spirit. God is with you in the Holy Spirit; you are not alone. Christ encouraged his disciples in John 16, by saying, “When he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth.” You will face impossible situations. You will teach Bible lessons without any clue whether they are efficacious. You will grow weak and discouraged. Understand that the Holy Spirit will work in measures infinitely greater than what you ever will know in this life. The Holy Spirit will minister to your teens. You simply need to trust Him in every step and faithfully follow him to what He calls. 

4.) You are the foremost expert on ministry to teenagers in your church.

Within about six months, you will be the expert on ministry to teenagers in your church. It is unlikely that any parent, pastor, or volunteer will know as much as you do. Your life will involve dozens of conversations with teens, where you are on the front row to the ever-evolving youth culture. You will spend weeks and weekends on trips with them. You may attend youth ministry conferences. You may read blogs and magazines about youth ministry. Trust me: you will be the expert, and it will happen fast. Take ownership of this and use this gift to help parents understand how to love and disciple their adolescent. Help your pastors understand the mentality of the youth in your church, so that their sermons and teachings will connect with the younger crowd. 

5.) You are enough; you are not enough.

You will wrestle with feelings of inadequacy right from the beginning. The reason for this is because as a sinner without the Lord, you are hopelessly inadequate in your position. Recall, though, that Christ has imputed his righteousness on you. Christ has perfected you in God’s eyes. You have nothing to prove and nobody to impress, because you are enough before the Lord by the righteousness of Jesus. You must constantly remember your adoption as a daughter or son of God, and that his grace is enough for you and your ministry.

Cameron Cole is the chairman of Rooted: A Theology Conference for Student Ministry and the Director of Student Ministries at the Cathedral Church of the Advent in Birmingham, AL. He is a candidate for a Masters in Religion from Reformed Theological Seminary.