Confessions of a Small Town Student Pastor

Every now and then we take our regular worship service and change things up. I give our band a night off to thank them for their hard work and to create an environment that doesn’t become dependent on something else besides the Word taught. Typically we do a time of prayer that involve several stations to engage them in repentance, thanksgiving, service, and supplication. I usually ask them to write out their prayers. I think writing prayer helps to process what you’re praying for rather than a series of ‘dear Lord’-s. This past time I had them write out their sin they wanted to confess on black paper with a dark pencil and tape it to the cross, after they had read 1 Peter 2:21-25.

Now confession time: I read the pieces of paper. This is as old a youth minister trick as the caramel covered onion or the camp roommate assignment list. It provides an immediate and anonymous look into the lives of students, to give a window into what prayer needs are there in our student ministry. It’s beautiful, but it’s heartbreaking.

We serve in a typical American small town. Most of the businesses are locally-owned, it’s impossible to find a good cup of coffee (I miss Starbucks), the school systems are the predominant social group, and when an accident happens on the main road it can tie up the entire town. Our town hosts a regionally known Division I university, and is the primary education seat of our region. We were also voted last year as the “Friendliest Small Town in America” by Randy-McNally. The summer focused on a special election about making our town wet, which prompted the opposing side to declare our town a good old-fashioned American town, the one that loves family values and is a good, morally sound community.

But that image of Mayberry is not what I read on those slips of paper. Most of them were your standard teenage angst: rude to parents, talking about other people, dating one guy and being interested in another, struggling with siblings, and not focusing on school as much. But there were some that hurt to read. A girl who cuts and covers it by bullying. Several guys who admitted to pornography. One who admitted to repeated inappropriate text messages to different girls. Still others who admitted to pot, alcohol, and other substance issues. Broken relationships. Sexual promiscuity. Dysfunctional family situations. Same-sex attraction. You name it, it’s sitting on my dining room table, the tears and shame visibly evident.

The veneer of our community, and even our church and student ministry, is one where everything is ok. But behind that good face is an indescribable hurt. One that is being masked by a fig leaf of religiosity - or worse yet, the false promise of an insecure salvation. None of the self-help, guidance counseling, crisis intervention, or anything like that can solve this pain. Only Jesus can.

So what to do? What follows is at attempt to process all this and offer some prescription for us in smaller communities.

Pray - Intercede for these students, pray for wisdom for parents, pray for repentance, pray for God to increase grace.

Don’t be naive - We cannot pretend that these kinds of problems belong ‘over there,’ and miss out on reality. These problems aren’t city problems or poor problems or ethnic problems. They’re problems that come from a Deceiver who wants teenagers to believe something else besides Jesus will satisfy them.

Address the heart of the issue - The issue isn’t drugs or alcohol or peer pressure. The issue is the heart, one that is bent against God. Make sure to not lose sight of this and try to fix addiction, self-harm, etc. The first need is Jesus. Then work on everything else in light of that.

Be honest - I plan on sharing that I read the cards, and begin by offering myself and my wife as resources. Knowledge isn’t power, only knowledge that is used has any value. I could choose to overlook these findings, or choose to respond to them. These issues are very real and painful - to ignore them is a shameful act.

Involve parents - Small town ministries may find themselves fighting against a cultural Christianity, rather than an emphasis on the work of Christ. Many times my thought is that parents assume their kids are safe/fine/good. But meet with your parents and begin to bring them on board. Take time to pray for students. Maybe they’re even hiding knowledge of their teen’s problems because of shame. Remove that, and every other barrier that prevents the Spirit from working.

Refocus - Take a minute and assess if you’re teaching accurately about the power of the Gospel. Make every message, teaching time, devotion, etc. about the Gospel. Teach the all-inclusive and all-encompassing power of the Gospel to not only save the soul but provide the answer to the deepest conditions of the human heart.

Pray - Worth repeating.

Seek wisdom - Student ministers, remember: we’re not Superman. Bring in other godly leaders who have likely dealt with similar issues. Get yourself in a network, get in contact with older student ministers. Involve your pastor in the conversation. Whatever you do, do not do it alone!

Scott Douglas serves as the Minister to Youth at Westside Baptist Church in Murray, KY. Scott has a Masters in Divinity and is presently pursuing a Doctorate degree from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, KY.

Mike Horton on Ministry to Youth

Mike Horton, whose book Christless Christianity was part of the impetus for Rooted, writes about how "narcicism is unchurching the church" in "Generation Me and Youth Ministry Today" over at the White Horse Inn, and gives some suggestions for curbing the tide here.  Check it out!

Youth Groups in the Digital Age, Part 2

Our youth ministry at the Church of the Advent has experienced a similar trend in students having little interest in Sunday night large group events. At the same time, we have observed a positive trend in another direction. Numbers have grown markedly in attendance at weekly small group meetings, while they have dwindled for large events. This trend has been so salient that it has led to the total reconstruction of the organization of our ministry over the past six years.

My theory on why this trend has occurred rests in the social and emotional state of postmodern teens. Quite simply put, teens are lonely, isolated, and disconnected. Kids want intimacy. Many point to the disintegration of nurturing family structure for this loneliness. Others emphasize the over-programming and intense schedules of children in the pursuit of what David Elkind refers to as “child competence.” Both certainly have a major role in the emotional malaise in which students live.

I personally believe that the evolution of social media and virtual life has played a major role in this social problem, as well. God made people to live in incarnational relationship with one another. Face-face, hand-in-hand, side-by-side. Biblical Christianity embraces the physical realm and embodied relationship. The opposite of what scripture endorses is a gnostic view that the material world is evil and that mankind should strive to transcend above and beyond it.

These realities have large import as it relates to the emotional condition of students. Many students engage in relationship through virtual means more than in an incarnational fashion. A 2010 study revealed that 49% of teenagers verbal communication occurred through text means (email, Facebook, text messages) compared to interpersonal discourse (face-to-face, telephone, etc.). A tremendous amount of student’s social experience occurs in a disembodied fashion where there is no tangible reality. In a sense, they are living the gnostic dream.

My theory has been that students do not desire any more superficial relationship; they access plenty of those via their iPhone. In a large group setting, there is little vulnerability or close connection. I think students really want intimacy, and this explains why they are far more likely to commit to a small group and far less apt to invest time in large meetings.

Seeing this trend, we decided to drop Sunday large group altogether and focus solely on relationship-building, small group Bible studies, and trips, where connections tend to be more intimate. I know many churches view “Sunday night’ as the face or flagship of their ministry and, therefore, resist not having this program. (Everyone seems to measure their ministry by recording how many kids they have coming on Sunday night.) For us, we are comfortable saying, “Nobody wants to come to Sunday night large group, so we don’t do it.” We also are grateful to see that weekly small group numbers continue to grow and students seem content with what we offer in that way. 

Has your church or student group experienced similar trends?  How do you explain the cause, and how have you addressed the issue?

Youth Groups in the Digital Age

Nate Birkholz, the assistant pastor for Lakeside Baptist in Grand Rapids, MI, posed this insightful question to the Rooted blog regarding declining attendance at large group and its relationship to social media and the digital age. Dave Wright and Cameron Cole offered responses that will follow in this short series.

I'm writing to ask for your thoughts about the future culture of youth and youth ministry.  Here's what I mean by the future "culture".  As I've talked with a few youth pastors we've seen a shift in the culture of youth.  Just a few short years ago teens were piling into youth group on Sunday/Wednesday night because their friends were there.  Many of these pastors steered away from the entertainment based ministry and focused their time on singing,

preaching/teaching the word, and small groups (by the way, I am including myself in the 'they').  While a number of the teens were simply there for their friends, most would listen respectfully, sing energetically, and participate in the small groups.  The gospel was the center of our teaching then as it is now, but then something happened...

Many of the teens do not show up to youth group anymore.  We're wondering what happened.  Here's a thought: Many teens used to come to youth group because it was a place for them to interact with their friends.  We, the youth pastors, were more than ready to have these teens in the audience knowing they were going to hear the gospel.  But, a few year later, those "types of teens" aren't there anymore.  These types didn't show much interest in spiritual things during the week, but when it came time to preach, they were there listening politely.  Their moms and dads didn't make them go to youth group.  They just showed up because of the fellowship.

Is it in part b/c of the digital era?  Is it that their friends are on their hips, in their pockets, or constantly in the palm of their hands vibrating away and ready for a response in less than 10 seconds?  So why show up to youth group?  They get to be with their friends at any time via digital technology. 

Question: Have you all seen this pattern?  If so, do you have any suggestions on how to 1) adapt to the current culture, 2) view the change (positive and negative), and last what should we think about in terms of change as we proceed into the digital future?

Thanks for any thoughts and resources,

Nate

Nate,

I was asked to respond to your email on behalf of Rooted...

Your question and observation is interesting and worth giving a good amount of thought to.  I have been in youth ministry since I got out of college 25+ years ago and watched many shifts in culture and technology that affected things.

I do wonder if being technically in relationships that are so constant via social media and texting affects the relational draw of the youth group.  Long ago (before I entered youth ministry) getting a crowd to a youth group event was as simple as offering food or a concert.  Students yearned for social opportunities.  I entered the field at a point when that was no longer the case, so we had to find what would draw them in.  Many were moving into entertainment driven and while I dabbled in that, I really sensed that students needed something they could not get anywhere else (in addition to the gospel) so I put a heavy emphasis on community - a place students could really be themselves and experience deep relationships.  Cyber relationships are so open these days though that the counterfeit it offers to real depth is hard to distinguish from the real thing.  What I mean by that is that students are so open on FaceBook and not hiding so much behind false personas as they did in the 80's and 90's.  So, I think they don't feel the same need as they did 20 years ago for an accepting place to belong. Yet at the same time, there is something more to be had in the relationships at youth group that is transforming (in light of the gospel) than what they get via technology.  I believe they need to somehow experience and know what real authentic relationships are these days.

I kinda think we could take a cue from advertising and think about what we can do to show students their deepest needs and seek to meet those.  I do mean deepest needs, which starts with gospel truth and extends to spiritual relationships.  It seems impossible to ignore the potential of social media to create hype and communicate these days.  The buzz we are hearing about all the time is FOMO (fear of missing out) which could be leveraged to help us reach and keep students at youth group.  It has to be centered around the gospel of grace that transforms lives though and not cater to a fear of missing entertainment and social.

Dave Wright is the Director of Youth Ministries for the Episcopal Diocese of South Carolina and is a candidate for a Masters in Religion from Reformed Theological Seminary.