The Philosophy of Sex

Harrison Jones is teaching in a secondary school in Mbarara, Uganda, and is involved in many ministries in the area, including developing businesses, sports, Bible studies, fellowships, and a film group. Before moving to Uganda, Harrison worked as high school teacher, and volunteered as a Young Life and youth group leader.

Covering sex in youth ministries - it's always a fun night.  The awkward squirms and breaking-ice moments will have the kids thinking for days.  For many of the students in the room, these sorts of discussions are the first time they have ever heard sex talked about in an intelligent way.  Most kids don't know what "philosophy" means, but little do they know they have no philosophy on sex because the world never does either.  It's always treated as the elephant in the room everyone knows about and is likely to feed, pet, and have fun with, but you don't actually use your brain when it comes to sex, right?  If you did, that might mean you won't be having sex right away if you actually think about it.

Talking about sex in youth ministries (from Sunday school to youth group to high school fellowships) is vital, but it is not the gospel and should not come first in our curriculum plans.  It is a major stone in life that students leave unturned and often have so many questions about, however, if the gospel is not clear in our ministries and we aren't sure that the students could repeat it back to us first, I believe we have no business moving on to sex.  Paul obviously sees the life-giving worldview-changing heart-saving gospel of Christ as a priority (1 Cor. 15), even in a church that was so backwards sexually that they were having sex with their mothers and Gentiles were judging them for it.  It is very tempting for us in ministry to see a problem in our local culture and want to focus our time applying a spiritual ‘Band-Aid’.  But if you have ever watched ‘House’ or a good medical TV show, you'll know that the symptom is not the same as the source of the disease.

A broken sexuality is something to weep over in our teenagers, but if we think we will fix it by quoting Hebrews 13 or 1 Corinthians 6 to them, we're mistaken.  Paul says that we have no ability to keep the law apart from Christ, who perfectly kept the law.  Our disease is bigger than teenagers watching provocative movies, listening to sex-dripping rap music, or of course having sexual encounters before marriage.  Our disease is that we're separated from God spiritually, and until we receive Christ's grace, we won't be reconnected to the only power that can pull us out of our sin.  Often churches can move on to practical living without considering how the gospel is the empowerment for that:  suddenly we will find ourselves teaching moral-deism (how to be a good person), not Christ, and with that comes a large percentage of people leaving the church because white-knuckle self discipline only lasts so long.  (Watch this short clip from Matt Chandler for more on Reaching the De-churched)

All that said, if the gospel is clear in your youth ministry, kids can awaken to wisdom on sexual matters at a very young age.  You can have an amazing platform for wisdom as a youth leader in light of how the gospel helps us to understand everything about ourselves, especially that we were created to have sex but the best sex is in a married, loving relationship.  It's not that we're Puritan 2.0's, not allowed to talk about sex, and it's not that we're heathens, thinking about it all the time.  Christians should be happily in the middle: feeling comfortable talking about sex openly but knowing that it has its fences.

God Gave You Sex! (Part 1)

How many times have you told a group of students, “All you need is Jesus?” I know I have as many times as Michael Jackson did the moonwalk or as often as my junior high kids reference Lady Gaga. Thousands.

The question begs: would Jesus Himself agree with that statement? I think the answer is both yes and no.

In studying ecclesiology and sacraments, one comes to see that indeed our union with Jesus is the very thing that sustains and satisfies us. At the same time, God recognizes that in our weakness and sinfulness and in this fallen world, we need physical reminders and representations of the grace God has given us through Christ. Scripture, the sacraments, the Church, and, to a lesser degree, marital sex, are gifts God has provided to help us enjoy and better grasp the reality of our union with Christ.

I have seen a propensity for youth workers - mainly myself - to hyper-spiritualize conversations about sexual abstinence. Knowing how fervently students yearn for sex in their teenage years, I try to help them understand at the heart level that what they desire for is union with Christ. While this line of thinking is theologically sound, it is somewhat incomplete biblically.

While reminding students that the object of their perceived “hormones” really is Jesus, our message is incomplete without acknowledging that God gives us physical means by which we touch, feel, consume, and process our spiritual union with Christ. Their desire to experience union in a physical, tangible manner is accepted by and accounted for by God. He also knows that we cannot grasp the mystery of this union and has blessed us with signs to help us better understand and experience it.

Too often this statement “all you need is Jesus” takes on a mystical, hyper-spiritual nature which discounts our very real need for physical representations of grace. God gave us sex and marriage - among other things - for that reason. Paul hints at this in Ephesians 5:31: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.The union of a husband and wife, sealed through sex, resembles the union of believers to Christ.

Theological jargon aside, we need to affirm that a student’s desire for union in a physical manner is a reasonable, human thing. We need to acknowledge that God knows that they need physical signs of our union with God and, consequently, has given us His Word, the sacraments, the Church, and marital sex as helps in this struggle. And we need to direct students to Jesus and these gifts, which point to Him, in order to satisfy our deep need to experience union with God.

The Theology of Sex

Rooted Blog editor Liz Edrington kicks off our new series on the Theology of Sex. We'll address the question of why and how we approach and address sexuality in light of the gospel in our ministry to students. Stay tuned!

Sex! Yep- it’s what gets their attention… (that and food).

There is no question that our kids are being bombarded by messages about sexuality every day and in any number of capacities. They regularly watch ads on TV which use sexuality to sell products, they watch shows which make sex into a commonplace way of relating in casual relationships, they read magazines which offer advice on ways to use their sexuality to lure potential partners into relationship, and they exist in a culture which says, “Hey, sex is no big deal.”

So, as I see it, there are few topics as important to address with our kids in the church because they are relating to sexuality (their own and the world’s portrayal of it) whether anyone likes it or not (which I say because there tends to be a lot of denial in the parental realm). And the great thing about it is that it really is a universal topic which can be a platform for so many of the crucial truths of Christianity and ways of relating which Jesus offers.

                                                                                        
Before we can dive into offering our kids teaching, advice, or really anything deep in relation to sexuality, we’ve got to come to terms with the ways we relate to it ourselves. We all bring our broken selves to the table- hopefully recognizing that

A) There is a proper design to the intimacy of sexuality, and that is within marriage (Genesis 2:24).

B) We are all the same in our sexual brokenness because it is in our hearts and minds and not just our actions (let’s take Jesus seriously in Matthew 5:27-28).

C) We really are all forgiven by, in, and through Jesus for our sin (Romans 3:23-24) and we need to look to His Word (scripture and the Living God) for help at every step in relating to one another in love, honor, and faithfulness.

                                                                                                                           Folks, let’s face it, it’s probably going to be awkward to broach the topic with our kids (unless you have that gem of a student who brings the issues & questions to you), but it is going to be worth it. Humor can be helpful here. Honesty, vulnerability, and relationship with our kids are fundamental to any kind of ministry we do- and teaching on sexuality is no different. Our kids must know they are loved and met just as they are (and not left on their own), and everything we do should reflect that. We must use wisdom and discernment in how we share of our own lives and experiences (considering where we are with our own relationship to the Lord and sexuality), and I think it incredibly valuable to tackle the topic as a team or in a partnership when possible.

Hopefully any topic on which we teach allows for the message of the gospel to be conveyed, and certainly the lies of culture and the world yield countless platforms for this. The lies the world is telling our kids about sexuality are no different. We don’t need to swing to the opposite side of the spectrum then making the biggest deal imaginable out of a subject which should find its rightful place among other subjects of scripture; but we should be aware of the particular significant connections sexuality has to relationship, love, identity, and sin (I Corinthians 6:12-20). And we should be cautious about talking only in abstractions to our students; they have very concrete questions and situations to address, and we are here to walk alongside them in those and to point them to our Living God who has the best for them. Let us also remember that there is no shortage of abuse or unhealthy relating to sexuality which plagues the lives of our students. The message of God’s gift of intimacy in the form of sexuality must be coupled with the message of God’s forgiveness and redemption of the very broken ways sexuality has been twisted. And let us pray for and with our students regarding this, for Heaven’s Sake!

*Recommended reading: 'Mom, Sex is No Big Deal' by Sharon Hersh, and ‘Real Sex’ by Lauren Winner

Tough Stuff: The Unfairness of the Gospel

1.) How do you define and describe this concept to students?

Ephesians 2:4-9 is an incredibly beautiful passage. There Paul ruminates on the glorious grace we’ve been given. Because of God’s great love for us, while we are rotting in our sinful rebellion, God gives us new life together with Christ, he seats us with him in the heavenly places so that in the coming age God might show us the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. Twice he breaks into the wonderful refrain of salvation in Christ - by grace you have been saved! And this is through faith; it is the gift of God. It is not of our own doing. It is not because of our works.

In short, it is grace because we get what we don’t deserve. When someone gets something they don’t deserve, we call that “unfair”. Therefore, since grace is supremely unmerited, it is likewise supremely unfair.

Now, because of Christ’s sacrifice, God’s grace is just. Atonement has been made. The debt has been settled. Blood has been shed. But to call it just does not mean we should dare to call it fair.

In truth, God’s grace is radically unfair. I mean, if sometime between September 11th 2001 and May 2, 2011 the Spirit had lead Osama Bin Laden to repent and trust in Jesus, God would have forgiven him and made him as holy and healthy as anyone else in Christ. He could have even made him the next great Christian leader if God so chose - like he did the apostle Paul who terrorized the early church. His grace is that sufficient to save, that unfair - and that powerful to transform those who are his.

2.) Why is it difficult or unpopular to teach?

It is difficult to teach because we like to think that we are better than others. When it comes to categories of “good” and “evil”, we like to think that we fall into the “good” category. It is difficult to admit that we are evil. Moreover, it makes living in a country and culture that is so eager to condemn enemies as “evil” uncomfortable for the Christian. I mean, if God’s reconciling and self-sacrificing mercy extended to us, his enemies...how far is our mercy to extend toward others?

3.) Why do you think it is important to teach this?

First and foremost, it is essential to teach the unfairness of the gospel because it’s not grace if you in any way deserve what’s been given to you.

Secondly and practically, until we understand the way we’ve been forgiven - the mercy we’ve been shown in Christ - forgiving others and pursuing forgiveness from others, especially our enemies, will be impossible.

Take for example the apostle Paul. Before he became a Christian, Paul approved the murder of Stephen, a man recently commissioned by his friends Peter, James, John and the other disciples. He breathed murderous threats against the other Christians - people loved by the apostles - and drag them from their homes to take

them to prison. Rather than Paul being punished for his atrocities, he was praised by the authorities of the day and advanced beyond many his own age for his zeal. He was never tried or punished in a court of law for his crimes.

Suddenly, Paul becomes a Christian all but disappears. Can you imagine what it was like for Peter and James when Paul returned to Jerusalem after three years to spend fifteen days together? Again, during a later visit, Paul met with the apostle John as well Peter and James. ...And Paul tells us in his letter to the Galatians that Paul was given the right hand of fellowship. In fact, Peter’s first letter, he fondly refers to Paul as “our beloved brother.”

How could Peter, James and John so such affection towards one who had brutalized those they loved and seemingly “got away with it”...? How could they treat Paul so unfairly and just forgive him his atrocities, accepting him into their fellowship?

I believe it is because Peter, James and John understood the unfairness of the Gospel. They didn’t get what they deserved, so they didn’t give Paul what he deserved. They saw Paul’s sin nailed to the cross right next to their own and so they were able to truly forgive - unfairly, but justly.

4.) How does this concept help a student better understand the Gospel and grace of Jesus?

The unfairness of grace we’ve received reminds students of the sufficiency of God’s grace. There is nothing left to add or earn when it comes to our salvation in Christ. This magnificent truth frees teens from trying to deserve the grace we’ve been given, and it frees them to have mercy on those who don’t deserve grace. Unmerited salvation frees teens to rest in and receive the reconciliation we have with God in Christ, and it frees them to pursue reconciliation with those who have wronged them.

This post comes to us from Mark Howard, assistant to pastor and pastor to youth at Trinity Presbyterian in Covington, GA and Rooted steering committee member.

Tough Stuff: Hell

Jeremy Zach, the editor of the blog REyouthpastor, joins us as a guest contributor on the Rooted Blog. Jeremy works at Orange in the XP3 Student Ministry department. He holds a Masters in Divinity from Fuller Theological Seminary. As part of our series on tough stuff, Jeremy answers our questions about why Hell is such a difficult and important topic for students to know.

How do you define and describe the concept of Hell to students?

God finds no pleasure in punishment (Ezk 18.23). Youth pastors need to make sure that the student knows: God is passionately pursuing each human being. When defining HELL youth pastors must combat the myth God is not for us, when in reality He is completely for us.

God allows humans to keep making destructive and evil decisions and choices because God is patient and continually forgiving and longing all of us to come to life! God will not stop us from going to hell if we insist on it. Hell is a real place where everyone admits: God—I do not want your love.

Why is it difficult or unpopular to teach?

Who wants to talk about eternal death? I think teaching about Hell is like cleaning the bathroom. Yes no one likes to do it but it has to be done.

Why do you think it is important to teach about Hell?

Youth pastors need to steer the student away from ONLY what they think and feel about the doctrine of Hell, but what the Bible says about Hell. Youth pastors need to appropriately deal with what scripture tells us. Scripture tells us Jesus is the only way, truth, and life and no one comes to the Father except through Jesus.

How does the concept help a student better understand the Gospel and grace of Jesus?

Students are wanting guidance on how to ask deeper questions theological questions while learning to live in the paradoxes of the Christian faith. So youth pastors who clearly communicate the both the popular and unpopular attributes of God will give their students a fuller and broader understanding of who God is and how He operated in the Scriptures.

Rooted in Youth Specialties

Rooted contributor, Cameron Cole, authored this piece, What The Tornado Taught Me, for the Youth Specialties blog last week. Cameron, who has thirty-five youth group alumni at the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa, writes about his experience in the aftermath of the tornado. The piece accentuates the necessity for students to have a deeply formed belief system in the Gospel for the inevitable day when catastrophe comes, and hits at the core of what we are aiming for with Rooted.

Tough Stuff: Total Depravity

Ah, yes, nothing more fun to teach than that sweet-smelling doctrine, total depravity. While it is unpopular, it is very important for students to understand for many reasons. Cameron Cole tells us why.

1.) Why is it difficult or unpopular to teach?

I think it is difficult for two reasons. First, who really likes to be told that they are totally depraved? That just doesn’t have a pleasant ring to it! In this light, it is a part of our sinful nature to resist the dark reality of our humanity. In this day of secular humanism, where every form of media proclaims the inherit power and benevolence of mankind, the message of original sin and depravity starkly contradicts what students hear.

Secondly, because most teenagers do not have a deep theological understanding of sin, the idea that they are completely depraved defies their experience. A common reaction to this doctrine is a student misunderstanding that total depravity means that all they do is murder, rob, and steal, which conflicts with “nice things” they do in their life. Surely, a person giving to the poor or helping their mother with dishes is not evil, right? They initially think about total depravity in terms of external actions, not internal motives. In other words, they see the Wicked Witch of the West when they hear this term.

2.) How do you define and describe this concept to students?

First off, I do not think it is critically important that my kids know and can use the term “total depravity” at this point. I am more concerned that they understand conceptually that all human action possesses an underlying sinful motive.

I describe total depravity to adolescents by telling them that deep down inside all of our behavior inherently has some unconscious motivation rooted in operating independently from God or seeking selfish gain. All action has at least some selfish taint. I also explain that this occurs innately, without our awareness, because of our sinful nature. And then I say that the Bible describes living that way as depraved.

3.) Why do you think it is important to teach this?

Acknowledging the truth of the depth of our sin sets kids free. Last year on a mission trip, a student said that understanding total depravity “relieved a burden” because it showed her that trying to be perfect was pointless. The doctrine alleviates the need to keep up the illusion of being something we are not. It also creates an environment for deep worship because knowing our total depravity magnifies the grace and mercy of Christ. It shows just how good God is.

4.) How does this concept help a student better understand the Gospel and grace of Jesus?

Total depravity is a critical building block for a student to understand the freedom of the Gospel. It shows how utterly ill-equipped we are to make ourselves good or righteous and reveals our need for Christ to do all of the work for our salvation. Total depravity takes the wind out of the sail of moralism. Total depravity magnifies just how amazing God’s grace is in that he “saves a wretch like me.”

127 Hours, Part 2: Sovereignty and Suffering

Why should a living man complain,

a man, about the punishment of his sins? Lamentations 3:39

As hours turn into days, it begins to dawn on Aron Ralston that no one is going to come to save him and he will most likely expire in this canyon.  Why did no one come look for him, after he had been missing for three days?  Because, he sarcastically boasts, “(I am) something of a big (choice word) hard hero.  I can do everything on my own.“  And because of his heroic estimate of himself, how many people did he tell where he was going?  None.  Surprisingly, Ralston does what so few of us are willing to do: he takes responsibility for the dire circumstances he is in.  He lives a life of self-sufficiency, and when his self-sufficiency reaps its natural consequence of helplessness, he points the finger at himself, rather than God, family, government, or whatever scapegoat seems most culpable. 

In Part 1 of this series, we fleshed out how important it is to let students wrestle with questions. We also looked briefly at a couple of the questions likely to be asked.  To enter deeper into our student’s questions of the Sovereignty of God, we must change the paradigm of the way they see their notion of freedom and their liability in sin.  Our perceived ‘freedom’ is actually slavery, slavery to our desires.  When it comes to our choices, we always choose our self-deification over the divinity of God.  And our efforts at self-deification have led to the state of the world in which we live.  Romans 1 has a profound definition of God’s wrath: God’s handing of us over to our desires. God’s wrath means He lets us have what we want, the natural outcome of our desires.  Hosea puts it beautifully; we “sow the wind and reap the whirlwind.”  Therefore, the cause of the suffering in this world rests on man’s choice to rebel.  In current events, such as Bin Laden’s recent death, one can nod their head and say, “I understand that his choices led to his consequences.”  But the issue of liability becomes more muddled when it comes to natural disasters, such as Hurricane Katrina, or car accidents.  How are these people responsible for this disaster?  Again, our objections come from a place of perceived innocence.  As Christ taught about the tower of Siloam (Luke 13), a tower that fell on eighteen in Jerusalem, we all deserve to perish, if not for the mercy of God.  Due to the prevalence of God’s mercy, similar to the prevalence of oxygen, we easily begin to treat it as a right.  But mercy is not a right we should expect, rather a choice left up to God’s foreordained plan.  And sometimes, for reasons we cannot understand, God chooses to not have mercy (Romans 9:15) (this is something I have personally wrestled with so feel free to email me if  there is something you want to discuss or you object).  So, the hole we find ourselves in, whether by direct or indirect consequences, is one that we have chosen, as Aron Ralston chose.  We are helpless to escape, with no faculties within ourselves to save us.

For the Lord will not cast off forever,

but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion

according to the abundance of his steadfast love;
for he does not willingly afflict

or grieve the children of men. Lamentations 3:31-33

But our story, as Ralston’s story, does not end in a crevasse or a tomb, victims of our own self-sufficiency.  Although there is suffering that comes from our sin, we have a sovereign and merciful God who is constantly at work redeeming this world, even redeeming us through suffering.  Behind the scenes of this destructive world, we have a God that, although He has not caused the destruction, is ordaining events such that they work together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28), those He has called to Himself.  Although we cannot always see His movements of mercy at work in every circumstance, the Christ of Golgotha is our picture of how God can use suffering to bring about his plan.  Because of Golgotha, we know that suffering is not in vain, without hope.  Although God does not ultimately ‘willingly afflict the children of men,’ He uses even the result of our rebellion as a way to draw us back to Him and to teach us how to follow Him.  Similar to a windmill, he takes our whirlwind and uses it to bring life and redemption to us.  Similar to a guardrail on the Big Sur (a road along the cliffs of the Pacific), he allows us to crash so that we will not run headlong into an ultimate destruction.  He is, in His perfect sovereign plan, working even the destruction of the world into His plan, not disposing of our swords but beating them into plowshares.  In the Brothers Karamazov, Dostoevsky hints at the ultimate working out of God’s sovereign plan,

“…in the world’s finale, at the moment of eternal harmony, something so precious will come to pass that it will suffice for all hearts, for the comforting of all resentments, for the atonement of all of the crimes of humanity, of all the blood that they have shed; that it will not only make it possible to forgive but to justify all that has happened.”